Blind Spot
by Axel Terizaki <axel at teri-chan dot net>
MSN: axelterizaki@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
- ICQ: 81441376
Website: http://blindspot.teri-chan.net
Retooled by Dave Watson
Chapter 5: Ayako's Tears
* * *
"Here's the tea!" I entered my room with a tray holding three tea cups
in hand.
Inside, Karen and ****zuka were both absorbed in their textbooks,
studying for the upcoming exams. They were sitting with their legs
tucked under the kotatsu I borrowed from Miyuki.
"Thanks, Ayako-chan," ****zuka said with a smile as I placed the tray on
the table. It was rather cold outside, and some tea to go with the
warmth of the heating table was more than welcome.
Karen let out a single mmm-mmm in response. I sat between the two, in
front of my computer, and resumed my work.
It was difficult to tell which of us was the least interested in
studying right now. Sure, the exams were coming, but for my part, I was
still a little preoccupied with Miho and her friends. She hadn't made a
move since last time, but it still worried me a bit. That and the
awkward situation between me and Ogata-kun...
So here I was, trying to act normal during a study session, reading
back my notes and doing some exercises on my laptop. Occasionally I
could hear Karen yawning or ****zuka sipping on her tea, but so far, it
was a pretty normal study session.
"How about a little break?" Karen suggested, looking up from her books.
"Again?" ****zuka argued jokingly, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, come on."
****zuka looked my way.
"Ayako-chan?"
She was apparently waiting for my opinion about this matter. I smiled
a bit in return.
"I guess a short time-out wouldn't be too bad. We've been at it for a
few hours already."
"All right."
****zuka stretched a little and then placed her elbows on the kotatsu.
"So, girls, how's it going at your school?" she asked, a little
curious. It's true that now that we were in different schools, we had
much less time to spend together, and many more things to talk about.
"Well, so-so. No news from Ura and her friends. What about you?" I
asked back. Karen was sipping lightly on her tea.
"Ah...I've been fairly busy myself at school. I'm in the fa****on club.
It's pretty fun. We design clothes here, or at least try to. It's
much more complicated than you'd imagine."
"Heh, at least that's a change from the usual s****ts, go or computer
clubs every school has," Karen remarked.
"True, true. It doesn't take much time away from me, and I like what
I'm doing there."
That's when ****zuka's cell phone let out a short ringtone. She must
have received an E-mail. She took it from her pocket and looked at it.
"Boyfriend?" I asked with a little grin.
"Yep," she replied neutrally, and started texting back.
"Who is he this time?" Karen asked, apparently as interested as I was.
"Well, his name is Kensuke, he's captain of the school soccer team.
All the girls are pretty jealous I got him, but he's the one who asked
me out," she giggled.
"And? And?"
"Well, he's pretty nice and handsome, but I don't like his friends
much. You know, everything in the muscles and nothing in the brain,"
she said, making a few gestures with her fingers, and pointing at her
head at the 'brain' word.
"You're too difficult." Karen rolled her eyes, tapping her pencil on
her textbook as she listened.
"Heh, look who's talking," ****zuka said back in an amused tone. Karen
was also quite difficult when it came to boys.
"Why don't you ever introduce your boyfriends to us?" Karen asked. "Is
it that we're not worth it?" she joked.
****zuka laughed at that.
"Quite the contrary, my dear Karen. They're not worthy of my friends."
I smiled at her words, feeling all warm inside.
"Besides, it'd be quite awkward since I have a tendency to change
boyfriends pretty often during the year. I mean, what if he was getting
along well with you two? I'd have a lot more remorse when I dump him!"
That was...cruel, in a way. As if every boyfriend she ever had and
will have in the future was destined to be dumped.
I listened idly, and was already absorbed in my laptop's screen again
when she spoke to me this time.
"What about you, Ayako? Did anything develop between Ogata and you
after your first date with him?"
That was when I heard something crack. Lifting my head, I saw Karen's
blank stare and the pencil in her hand broken in two.
"Oh, my...you didn't tell Karen yet?" ****zuka asked me, worried now.
"Uh huh," I said simply, suddenly growing very nervous.
It was a known fact that Karen didn't like Ogata at all. We both
looked at her, and she was still staring blankly at us. The shock must
have been terrible for her, but it was my fault for not telling her
sooner...
"H-Here's another pencil, Karen," ****zuka mildly offered in
compensation.
Poor Karen-chan...
* * *
"Well, time to go!"
****zuka was helping a still shocked Karen walk by pu****ng her around
and waved a little at me as both were leaving my house. I guessed
****zuka was going to explain everything to her on the way home.
Karen and ****zuka were my friends, but they were also good friends with
each other, despite their rather different personalities. At least, I
hoped so. It was difficult to tell, actually. I mean, how could I be
sure if they were really friends together, and not just together because
they were friends with me?
Someone did interrupt me before I could get too lost in my thoughts.
"Ayaaaaako! My kotatsu!"
It was Miyuki calling me from upstairs. Looked like she wanted her
heating table back.
* * *
Ah, end-of-year exams...
Karen and I walked silently to our classroom and our seats. It would
only last a few days, but those days always felt quite long and painful
for many students here.
Thanks to our little study sessions, I was pretty confident in my
knowledge and skills. I opened my laptop and started preparing a blank
do***ent in my favourite word processor while waiting for the teacher to
hand out the exam papers. The last subject of the day, and of that
whole exam marathon, was English, one of my favourites.
The class was silent as usual, and I tried not to be too noisy with my
keyboard. When I was really writing something, and pouring my heart
into it, I tend to type fast, which intimidated my classmates. They
often told me so, actually, after the exams were over.
Even though I could be accused of reading the notes stored on the
computer in class, I could never be accused of copying from my
classmates' papers during the exam. Who'd be stupid enough to think I
could read other people's stuff over their shoulders with my eyesight?
As I said, I was pretty confident about my abilities this time, and was
determined to show my parents that having a part-time job was perfectly
compatible with studies. The subject was an article from a magazine
about security cameras being set up on England's city streets. The
article itself was quite old, and our task, after some questions about
the text, was to express what we thought of the idea if it were to be
implemented in Japan as well. The inspiration came to me after ten long
minutes, and I started writing.
Another advantage of working on a computer is that you can correct your
errors on the fly. You don't need to write your work, with all your
notes and corrections, all over again on a new sheet of paper. It saved
me a lot of time, really.
I saved my do***ent on my laptop and onto the USB key the teacher gave
me, and waited patiently for the bell to ring so I could hand it back to
her. In a sense, I was using modern methods for studies, exchanging
do***ents with teachers without the use of papers. I hoped that, some
day, more students would be able to do this without the excuse of being
visually handicapped.
I might have said this before, but reading on white paper really tired
me. I usually preferred reading white text on black or dark backgrounds
by using different color schemes on the computer for my do***ents,
something you can't really do on paper. That said, this didn't mean I
hated reading on paper. It's just that it was a bit tiring on the long
run for me. That actually just made books last longer in my hands.
Now I was left with nothing to do but think until the time was up. We
couldn't leave early, which was a shame really, because it made the rest
of the time pretty boring. I mean, I even had to close my laptop once I
was finished so I couldn't give others answers through the screen. I
mean, the point of cheating is to be sneaky, right? How sneaky would
that have been, I ask you? Bah. If teachers were so worried about me
cheating, they'd probably seat me close to them so they could monitor me.
I loved fini****ng early, mainly because my classmates knew very well I
finished before when they didn't hear fingers typing on keys anymore.
The earlier I finished my paper, the more they stressed out. Was I
evil? Certainly not! I was just encouraging them to improve their
writing skills, of course!
* * *
FREE! I'M FREE!
I grinned from ear to ear and watched Karen stretching her arms out as
we walked away from the classroom and through the exit of our school
building.
"Ah, it feels so much better once all those exams are over!"
"You said it," I replied while humming a little tune out of happiness.
The sensation of freedom was even more overwhelming than last year's
exams. That seemed odd, since those were more im****tant than these
ones, since they'd been the checkpoint between middle school and high
school.
We walked through the main gate while chatting, happy to relieve the
pressure of the exams now that they were over. Besides, we were
supposed to meet with ****zuka in ****buya for some shopping and then a
good session of karaoke for the sake of it.
"So, what did you reply on question four?" Karen asked while taking my
arm in hers as we left school grounds.
"Oh, please, you know I don't like talking about answers after an exam.
It stresses me out."
"You're so lucky. I wish I could be just like you and not worry about
exams," she said, dreamily.
"That's not true. You make it sound like I'm a genius or something. I
just, I don't know, I don't stress very much before exams. Maybe I'm
carefree that way. However, you can be sure I'll be all stressed out
and restless the day before the results are posted."
"I know, I know," she said.
"Ne, you didn't tell me about you and Ogata because you thought I'd be
worried, right?" she suddenly asked. Talk about sudden subject changes.
This took me a little by surprise, I must admit.
"Uh-huh. Nothing happened, you know. He didn't take me to a love
hotel or anything of that sort," I replied. "And well, seeing your
initial reaction, I thought you'd be well--"
"Sssh, it's okay. He might be a ladykiller, but I know he is not THAT
bad."
I sighed in relief.
"You know, you almost sound like you were jealous of--"
"AM NOT!" She cut me short.
Usually that means 'I am', but I wasn't going to push this further...
"Ah, ah...okay."
We were arriving at the train station and paid for our tickets to
****buya.
"Karen?"
"Yes?"
I was trying to pay my ticket, but didn't have enough change in my
pocket.
"Could you...please let go of my arm so I can look for some money in my
schoolbag?"
She sweatdropped.
"Ha ha, right."
* * *
"Aitakatta! Aitakatta! Aitakkata! YES!"
****zuka's, Karen's and my voice were singing out loud in the karaoke
box on the same song. It's pretty rare we do a song in trio, but when
we do it, we put all of our hearts into it. The only songs to get such
treatment were this one and some songs from Nami Tamaki.
As the song ended, we plopped back down on the couch. Karen took the
song index from ****zuka's hands and started browsing quickly so she
wouldn't waste time.
"So what are you going to sing next, Karen?" I asked.
"Hmmm...ah, I know!"
She quickly selected a song with the remote control.
"Oh, 'Be Together,' heh." ****zuka noted, telling me the song Karen
chose, since I couldn't see it on the screen before it started.
"I prefer 'Our Days' from her, you know." I said, shrugging my
shoulders.
****zuka and I briefly argued about what was the best pre-2000 song by
Ami Suzuki, but then 'Be Together' started and we decided to listen to
Karen singing instead. It's kind of rude to talk in a karaoke room with
someone else singing in the background.
Karen had been singing a lot more during our karaoke sessions lately,
as if she had some extra steam to blow off, or something. Maybe it was
due to the exams? I didn't know if ****zuka had noticed, but I certainly
did. I wasn't sure of what was going on exactly, so I didn't really try
to dig in further, even if it did scratch my curiosity now and again.
For now, I just closed my eyes and listened to her singing.
"So how's your part-time job going, Ayako?" ****zuka asked when Karen
finished her song. She came back to us.
"Haven't you chosen a song yet?" Karen asked her before I could reply
to ****zuka.
"Uh, no, I don't feel like it right now. Why don't you pick another
one?"
"Hey, that's no fair, I want to hear about Ayako's job too!"
I giggled a little at them.
"Karen, just pick a nice song for background music and we'll chat a bit
then." I suggested. "My job? Well hmmm, I could say it's pretty okay
so far. It's only been a few weeks, you know, but Takagi-san is pretty
nice, and the customers are understanding of my problems too, so it's
all right with me. My only concern is Karen..."
"Huh?" I heard her start to protest.
Well, I didn't want to tell her about it, but here we go...
"Ah, you know, you always come to pick me up, but every day it makes
you take one more train trip before going home. I mean, I can't ask you
to be my taxi driver or something like that. It's not very fair to you,
is it?"
I think she was frowning, but I wasn't too sure. It's so difficult to
gauge people's reactions when you can't see their face well across a
table...
"She has to, or else you'd get lost again," ****zuka said, ****ging my
elbow.
"Mou!"
"Oh, ****zuka, please. And Ayako, too."
"I was just teasing!" ****zuka defended herself with a giggle.
"Ayako."
I blinked as Karen took my hand in hers on the table.
"Don't ever think like that again. You know, it doesn't bother me at
all," she said reassuringly. It was hard to believe that I was making
her spend an extra train ticket just for me, though. "We're friends,
ne? And as friends, we help each other out, right?"
I nodded a little, but something actually struck me in what she said.
Helping others, heh? What was I doing for ****zuka and Karen? Right, I
wasn't doing anything for them. I was just a friend they liked to go
out with. I was really astonished by her words, as if it had made me
realize something.
"...and I'll pick this," ****zuka said, punching numbers on the remote
control for the karaoke machine.
"HEY! I was about to pick a song!" Karen protested.
"Too slow."
After they argued a little again, ****zuka started singing 'Please Smile
Again' by Namie Amuro. The thing was, I didn't feel like smiling just
now.
* * *
Time flew by incredibly fast.
I stopped worrying about the exams; they were a thing of the past. The
results would come in April, right in time for the cherry blossoms. In
the meanwhile, I enjoyed our few weeks of holidays with ****zuka. Karen,
as she often did during school holidays, went abroad with her family.
I also kept on working for Takagi-san at his bookstore. I was getting
more confident there.
"Thank you for your purchase!" I bowed as a customer left after paying
for two books. Takagi-san was still reading something behind the
counter. Since cl***** were over until early April, I didn't have
anything to study while on break behind the counter while waiting for a
customer. I sighed a bit and wondered what I could do. I couldn't play
a game on my laptop; that wouldn't be very business-like, would it?
"Something on your mind, Ayako-kun?" Takagi-san asked. He probably
noticed I seemed restless and a bit down.
"Ah, it's just..."
I wasn't sure if I could talk about it with Takagi-san. I thought he
was a very nice person, but...
"You can trust me. I won't tell anyone, not even Miyuki-kun."
Telling Miyuki about it was the last thing I needed, really.
"There's this thing about what I'd like to do later in my life.
Actually, there are a lot of things I worry about lately. Some girls
bully me at school, and I feel like I'm being a burden on my friend
Karen. My friend ****zuka being in another school makes school life a
little less pleasant, too..."
"Hmmm, youth."
"Heh?"
"You've come to an age when you ask yourself a lot of questions about
meaningless things."
I frowned.
"These are not meaningless! I mean, I've never really done anything
for my friends. ****zuka helps me with my hair and stuff, Karen helps me
with well, anything, really, and I feel like I'm not giving them
anything back."
He didn't reply at first. I sighed at that, and tried to forget about
what I just said. It's not like Takagi-san had anything to do with it.
Yet, I just felt like I could tell him about it, just to get his point
of view on the matter. Strangely enough, this is the kind of thing you
can talk about with relative strangers.
"You'll surely see what you'll give them someday." he finally said
after a few seconds of pause. "If your friends stay with you, it's
because you're an interesting person to them. Someone they like to be
with. You give them something they are in need of."
Why do elderly people talk in such cryptic ways all the time!? I guess
he was right, but I wasn't convinced. I doubted ****zuka and Karen were
like that. However, we were soon interrupted by the door's bell ringing
as someone pushed it open.
"Irrashaimasen!" I welcomed our customer with the best smile I could
master at the moment. I let him search for what he came for, and he
brought a few books to the counter.
"I'd like these, please."
I couldn't say much about the customer. Actually, I barely looked at
him. I was often afraid to deal with people I didn't know and how they
would perceive my handicap. I mean, I often tried different approaches
when it came to contact and communication with people. Either I would
tell them right away and apologize in advance for not seeing well, or I
would simply not say a thing and let them wonder why I was looking more
closely than usual at the books or why my eyes never seemed to fixate on
anything in particular. What was the best thing to do? I did not know.
"This will cost you about 5 340 yen, sir."
He gave me some bills and coins. Another thing I didn't like much was
having to take my time to properly check the money people handed me.
When I bought stuff for myself, I almost never looked at the change
given to me by the clerks. This was a different story; this wasn't my
money, it was Takagi-san's, and I had to pay attention. I probably
looked weird holding money so close to my face. It felt me feel really
awkward.
There was too much, and I had to make change for them. It may seem
stupid, but that was the part of the job I liked the least. When there
was several people in the bookstore, I could at least pretend I was
helping the other customers while directing this one to the counter so
Takagi-san could handle the actual sale, but there was only one person
here now.
I sighed. ****zuka would be here soon to pick me up, since Karen was
out of the country now.
* * *
The rest of the holidays were pretty uneventful, but I wasn't enjoying
myself as I usually did, since I didn't have much to do at home. I was
soon working more hours than usual at Tama****i Toshokan to keep myself
occupied. At least it earned me a lot of money, and my parents were
pretty happy that I had a steady job. They even openly fantasized about
me working here full time once I graduated.
Needless to say, as easygoing as this job could be, dreams like that
were far removed from my intentions. Sure, I guess my parents felt
relieved that I had a nice and easy job I could do by myself, but,
still...I didn't like how easy it sounded.
April soon came, and with the cherry blossoms, the new school year.
Karen and I went to the opening ceremony. We weren't juniors any more,
and some students would call us 'sempai' by now. This was a thought
that I always liked.
Yet, the class list made me cringe.
"Ayako," I heard Karen say as she looked at the list displayed on the
school's board outside. I couldn't see it, and trusted her to tell me
all the juicy details about the composition of our class. Sure, I could
have taken out my monocular and used it to read the list, but since
Karen was there...
"What? What? Did they separate us?" I asked, a little intrigued by
the worried tone in her voice. Not seeing anything could make you worry
a lot, you know.
"No, worse. Wait."
I watched her intently as she read the paper from afar, trying to
confirm it.
"Ryukawa. Hi****moto. Fumogi. You. Me...and that's all, I think."
"What? What?!" I grew impatient.
"Well, looks like we were moved over to class 2-A. They shuffled the
cl***** a little. We're not in class B anymore."
"Uh? That's not a big problem as long as we're together, right?
Ryukawa-san is there too! She was a good class president last year,
wasn't she? I hope she gets elected this year, too."
Karen turned to face me this time, and placed her hands on my
shoulders. What was with the serious stare now?!
"We're now in the same class as Ura. And Ogata too."
My face froze. I smiled nervously.
"You're kidding, right? Karen!"
* * *
She wasn't kidding.
It was even worse when we were once again randomly placed in the
classroom, except me and Karen; we had to be kept together. I was now
in the far right corner, next to the door in the back of the classroom,
with Karen in front of me...
"We're going to have fun this year, Suzumiya."
...and Ura Miho at my left.
"Hahaha...suuuuure." I laughed nervously, but I frankly wondered
exactly how bad this was going to be. Apparently her friends were
randomly placed in the classroom, from what Karen told me. A tiny drop
of pleasure in the ocean of suffering that this year was about to become.
I tried to ignore her during the first class with Kasuga-sensei, who
was once again the homeroom teacher of my class. I actually had hopes
she would stay calm since nothing had happened until our last period of
class, namely History. I was so very wrong.
I suddenly got a popup dialog appearing on my computer screen alerting
me of the low level of the machine's batteries. A quick look at the
status showed me the power wasn't plugged in. Since when? Hard to
tell. As I looked around to where the power plug would have fallen, I
heard a low giggle from my left.
Okay, it looks like she got a headstart on the war she decided to fight
against me. How childish could she be? Unplugging my power adapter
without me noticing wasn't very funny, to say the least.
I noticed the power cord to be on the floor next to my desk. I bent
down to pick it up, taking my time to do it quietly so the teacher
wouldn't notice, or, if he did notice, at least I wouldn't be disturbing
the class in the process. When I sat back up again, I was facing a
black screen. Another giggle confirmed to me that Miho was behind that,
too. I sighed and turned my laptop back on; thankfully, she'd only put
it to sleep.
And obviously, Karen, being in front of us, couldn't see any of this
happening.
Give me a break! This is only the first day of school!
* * *
Needless to say, Karen was astonished.
"She WHAT?"
"I told you! She unplugged my power cable while I wasn't looking and
when I leaned down to pick it up off the floor, she took advantage of it
to put my laptop to sleep!" I told Karen, trying not to sound too much
like a whiner.
I was explaining that to Karen as we walked home, my cane in hand and
my arm in hers. Come to think of it, I suddenly wanted to use it as a
weapon against Miho, but that wouldn't be very ladylike, would it?
"Really! I'm going to have a word with her first thing tomorrow
morning!" Karen was really upset, but this was to be expected. I
didn't want her to know at first, but the way Miho behaved all day was
really annoying me, and it was no use hiding it from Karen, anyway.
"Don't! I mean...it's not like you can do anything to make her stop,
and she has her fangirls, too." Yes, that's what I called the girls who
were always hanging around her.
"And I can't see her coming. I'd need eyes in the back of my head."
I nodded a little and looked down at my cane waving idly in front of
me. I didn't really need to look in front of me, when I was being led
by Karen like that.
The school year didn't start very well, needless to say.
* * *
Every day that passed saw Miho trying to make me go mad at school.
This included filling my sneakers with some icky stuff, putting my
laptop to sleep, forcing me to lock it everytime I went away from my
desk, disturbing me during cleaning duty, or placing things on my chair
before I sat down. Talk about childish. But it seemed to amuse her and
make her grin. She was apparently pretty sure no one knew but me and
her. Karen occasionally gave a look back now and then, but every time
she did, Miho would smile innocently and even wave her hand to her
delicately in all her provocative glory.
Lunch was actually the only moment of the day when I didn't have her on
my back. As I started eating, though, a familiar voice sat down next to
me as I ate my lunch in silence.
"Osu."
I didn't even turn from my curry and rice. I heard Karen sigh in front
of me. It was Ogata.
"You're eating with us almost everyday. Admit it, you don't have any
friends," she said bitterly.
"Ha ha, very funny, Sakazaki. I just want to avoid Ura and her
fangirls."
I would have laughed immediately if I didn't have a mouth full of rice.
I quickly gulped it down in hurry to let out my laughter. It felt nice.
"So I'm not the only one calling them her fangirls!"
He chuckled. I looked at him and blushed a little. We were in the
same class now.
"And why are you avoiding them?" Karen finally asked, more calmly now.
She was trying to finish her lunch as well while Ogata only started his.
"Well uh, I'm not interested in them, that's all. It's not like I want
her to follow me around everywhere. She even comes to watch me at the
soccer club," he said, before starting on his takoyaki.
I was looking down at my plate to make sure I was putting my spoon
where there was food while listening to their conversation. Miho was
probably watching us with envy from afar, but I didn't care one little
bit.
"Not interested in her, is that it? Why don't you tell her, then?"
Karen suggested.
"Well, it's not something you can just say right to a girl's face, you
know?"
I could feel the surprise in Karen's voice.
"Oh?"
He just went "hmm" in response. I listened while eating my lunch,
since I wasn't in the mood to butt in. I guess Ogata's words made Karen
think a little. He was right--you don't reject a girl just like that.
* * *
Days passed, and things weren't getting any better with Miho. She
was--how to say it?--evil. Yes, that might be the best word to describe
her at that moment. It was pretty depressing to have to deal with
someone like her at such a time in my life. I was questioning myself
about things like my place in my friend****p with Karen and ****zuka, what
kind of job I should aim for...
That was something I wanted to ponder clearly, but this or that always
prevented me from just sitting there and meditating about the matter.
My parents pressuring me wasn't helping, either!
I was walking with Karen towards our classroom and opened the door
first, heading directly for my seat so I could plug in my computer and
start it up while the teacher wasn't there yet. Miho was there,
chatting with some girls in a corner, and other students were doing
pretty much the same in the classroom. No one really paid attention to
me, I guess. Fine with me--I didn't really want to stick out in the
first place.
"Dammit!"
I looked towards Karen, who hurriedly went to the front of the room.
It was so rare to hear her swear.
She took the eraser and started scrubbing some writing off of the
blackboard. I was too far away to see what it was, but I already knew
what kind of writing it was, thanks to the giggles coming from the other
corner of the classroom. The other students seemed to have noticed
Karen, thanks to her outburst, and almost went silent because of it. I
could just hear faint whispers, and decided to sit down quietly at my
desk.
It's been a week or so already. 'Anonym-Miho-ous' writings all over
the blackboard of our classroom every morning or on the first class of
the afternoon.
Karen went back to her seat.
"Karen...?" I asked softly.
"Don't worry. It was nothing you should be aware of."
I looked away. That's not what I wanted to hear. I knew what was
written on it. At least I had an idea. After all, Miho was often
addressing me with not-so-nice words every time she talked to me during
class. She liked whispering these to me. I tried to stay calm every
time, but the truth was, it was really annoying me.
I wanted to hear you say it, Karen. Your overprotectiveness towards me
was starting to make me feel really bad, as if I wasn't able to defend
myself against Miho.
The rumor machine had been launched a few weeks ago, shortly after
cl***** started. According to it, I went out with a couple of boys, and
even went as far as to go to a hotel with them. Wait, that's not all.
Concerning school, I was suspected by those rumours of my grades being
higher than they were supposed to be just because of my handicap. And
the fact that I wasn't wearing any hair accessories, which were pretty
popular at the time, was making me look like a fool. Comments like,
"She can afford a computer but not hair clips, poor girl," flowed back
to my ears occasionally. I guess it probably angered Karen, too...
* * *
"I'm sorry, Ayako, but could you go home without me? We're going
somewhere else with the club for practice, and I fear you might feel a
bit lost there."
I raised an eyebrow at Karen's words. That was new.
"Where?"
"We're going to that musical school a few blocks away. They have very
good s****ts facilities there, and we got into a partner****p with them.
Please understand, it'll only last a few weeks," she said, clapping her
hands together and bowing her head in front of me. It's not often Karen
is like that.
"Ah...well, if you say so..." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
I then left, alone, cane in hand. Going home was fairly easy because I
knew my way around after walking it about every day of the week for over
a year. Still, there was a touch of sadness to it, because Karen wasn't
with me for this part of it as usual.
Scratch that--I'll be alone for the whole trip back home. ****zuka told
me this morning she wouldn't be going home at her usual time because she
had some other things to do this afternoon. Besides, I wasn't working
these days because there were some carpenters at Tama****i Toshokan.
Takagi-san told me the store needed some renovation badly.
I sighed and went on my way.
* * *
We were already nearing the end of May, but the weather outside wasn't
anything between spring and summer. It was actually raining pretty
heavily.
Not that I dislike that, mind you. It's actually pretty nice not to
have to close my blinds since the usual daylight is quite uncomfortable
for me, even indirectly when I'm indoors. Every time it rained outside,
I was torn between liking it or not. It's quite contrary; I like sunny
days but can't stand sunlight, and I don't like rain but I feel better
on rainy days.
I was in my room, music playing softly in the background while I sat at
my desk in front of my computer. Me, studying on a Sunday? No chance.
I was trying to write something--anything. Ever since I started to
convince myself that I couldn't do what I'd like the most in the future,
which would be becoming a singer, I thought that, maybe, I could do
something I liked a bit less but still enjoyed, like writing, for example.
The thing was, while I enjoyed it and the words flowed easily through
my mind as I wrote, they were often too rushed and they didn't end up in
a good story. I often ended up throwing my idea away and starting
something new. I liked writing futuristic stories, but I wasn't exactly
knowledgeable in physics, and I was too afraid that I'd make horrible
mistakes about that that people would point at and laugh. I guess I
needed more planning, and to learn about the methods involved in writing
stories.
Yet, I tried again, and again, and again, deleting many files in the
process, and creating many new ones. My current project was about a
romance story where a tsundere* girl willingly hurts a sensitive guy's
feelings. As a result, he gets into an accident where both of his legs
are broken, forcing him to use a wheelchair. Of course, the tsundere
girl has to take care of him and feels bad about his accident and
gradually falls in love with him...
Pretty classic, isn't it? I wasn't happy with it, but I couldn't
concentrate enough to come up with something better. This year hadn't
started well at all, and it was seriously starting to piss me off. A
song by Chihiro Onitsuka was softly playing in the background, trying to
help me relax a bit, but I still wasn't at ease.
I was soon hearing footsteps climbing up the stairs of the house. They
were kind of loud...
"Miyuki-nee! Stop making so much noise!" I called out while heading to
my door to open it and speak directly to her.
However, something quite different from Miyuki showed up at my door.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
I took a step back, only to see Karen, ****zuka, and Aoi all together
with bags in their hands.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!?"
I blinked twice.
"Heh? Heh!?"
"Sssh. I know we're inviting ourselves, but it's for a good cause!"
****zuka said to me with a grin. Karen was closing the lid of my laptop.
"Heh?"
"Don't worry, I'm just making some room." I saw her place a package on
the table.
"Heh?"
****zuka and Aoi unfolded futons on the floor next to my bed. Three of
them.
"Heh?"
"You wanna tell her, Aoi-chan?" ****zuka asked my cousin.
"Oh, sure." Aoi got up and came up to me, taking my hands in hers.
"We wanted to celebrate your birthday tonight. All of us, for once! I
mean, have a party!"
I looked at her with a nod, not quite getting it.
"Heeeeh...?"
"A pajama party, that is! It's been so long since I've had one!"
****zuka said, as she walked up to me and gave me a big hug.
I was still quite bewildered...
* * *
I've forgotten to mention that Karen was actually a great cook. She
often got into lengthy discussions with my mother about food and
cooking. They were radically different from the discussions about food
I normally had with Karen. The ones with my mother tended to revolve
around what kind of ingredients one should use in a bento box instead of
how to eat a korone-pan without making the chocolate drop anywhere, if
you see what I mean.
That would explain why I wasn't that stunned when Karen arrived with
enough food to weather a siege in my room. Mother even trusted her
enough to lend her her beloved kitchen. Karen was making hamburgers.
Not the thin kind you find in fast-food joints, but real, tasty
hamburgers, with homemade buns, perfectly sliced onions, delicious fresh
lettuce and perfectly-cooked patties formed from good-quality ground
beef. Needless to say, we were all salivating in advance.
While she prepared them, Aoi-chan and I were battling in a game of
Ouendan 2 while ****zuka was checking her E-mails on her cellphone.
"I don't like the final song as much as 'Ready Steady Go,' though," Aoi
told me as we tried to choose a song to play on.
"You already beat the game? I'm only halfway through it, I think," I
said, a little impressed.
When Karen came back with a tray full of burgers and condiments, we sat
at my low table while she served us.
"You didn't have to do all this, Karen-chan..." I said, a little
embarrassed.
Karen just smiled at me. "Don't you worry about it."
I started eating a bit shyly while the girls eagerly chatted around me.
"It's been so long, ****zuka-chan. I heard from Ayako-chan that you got
into the school you wanted," said Aoi.
"Yeah! Cl***** are pretty interesting there, but there are a lot of
things I already know. I have to go through that and get my graduation
certificate here if I want to go further, y'see."
"I envy you! Already stepping towards your dream."
I frowned. Aoi-chan, don't you realize how bad I feel about this?
"So what do you think of my hamburgers?" Karen asked me as I bit into
one.
"I...it's delicious," I replied softly. I was having this weird
sensation that something was very wrong. Why were they here?
"Karen, ****zuka, Aoi-chan..."
I backed away from my plate a little and took a deep breath. I needed
to say that now...
"There is something I need to know. Aoi-chan is my cousin, so this
doesn't really apply to her, but...Karen, ****zuka...why do you stick
with me?" I asked, fearing their reaction a little.
I wasn't doing anything for them, I wasn't of any use. I didn't have
Karen's cooking and s****ts skills. I didn't have ****zuka's wonderful
hands, which could do your hair like no one else could, or her
competitive mind. I was nowhere near anything like them. I didn't have
Karen's rich family and promising future as an athlete or ****zuka's goal
in life.
I suddenly felt very miserable and sorry for myself, and, before I knew
it, I was shedding tears on my hands, which were on my lap, clenching
them slightly.
"S...sorry," I said softly, unable to stop the tears. I was feeling
bad because of myself, but also because of the question I asked. Still,
I couldn't help but ask it. I was a horrible person, wasn't I? You
should never doubt your friends' loyalty, and Karen and ****zuka had
never, ever let me down, so why was I reacting like that? On my
birthday, of all days? Why was I crying because a friend of mine had
cooked hamburgers for me?
Aside from the noise I was making, there was silence in the room. I
wasn't sure what I was doing anymore, but I couldn't help crying right
in front of them. I'd been feeling bad about a lot of things lately, at
school, at home, in my mind...
And yet, I felt two pair of arms embrace me from both sides.
"Ayako-chan..." ****zuka whispered.
I kept on crying a little against them both, unsure of what to do.
This was awkward. It was a first for me, to cry like this in front of
them.
"I mean, I don't have...*sniff*...anything like you. I don't see well,
I'm always a burden for Karen, I don't have any particular skill that's
useful..."
"That's not true. You sing beautifully, and you write fun stuff,"
Karen said softly in my ear while stroking my hair soothingly. "And
please, don't ever say that to me again, okay? The part about you being
a burden. I'm doing this because you mean something to me," she added.
"But..."
"I hear what you're saying. You sometimes doubt your place here,
right?" ****zuka began.
"We've all done the same thing. Sometimes we still do it! But deep
inside, you have this light, you see? A light that drew us to you
because we were able to see it," Karen added.
"A...light?"
"Yeah. I know, you don't like light much, but look at what you are.
You are unique! You're Ayako Suzumiya, a second year high-schooler who
has a signifiant disability, but who does her best to live a normal life
with everybody else! Do you see a lot of people with white canes in
schools? In dramas on TV?"
"Mou..."
"You should be proud of yourself for being able to go this far."
"And you'll keep going beyond our expectations, right, Ayako?" ****zuka
said.
I was trembling all over at their words and gestures.
"I'm sure you'll have a happy life, Ayako-chan."
It was now Aoi's turn to talk to me. She was still sitting at the
other hand of the table, facing me.
"I'm proud to be your cousin," she added. "I'm sure your parents are
proud of you, too!"
"Thanks..."
I couldn't help it, and lifted my arms up to hug ****zuka and Karen
back. Sadly, there wasn't any room for Aoi to slip in, and I hugged her
afterwards. I was still sniffling a little.
"Sorry, really. I don't know what came over me. I can't be unhappy
with friends like you," I said,
"It's okay to cry a bit sometimes. I still remember how much you cried
when we watched Kokoro Library when we were little!" ****zuka giggled,
teasing me again.
"It was emotion! e-mo-tion!" I argued back with a faint smile.
"Now that I think about it, the way she hugged her pillow and cried
when we watched the last episode of Kaleido Star was cute, too."
"Karen, not you too! That's embarrassing."
Karen giggled a bit.
"I just feel bad about stuff...at school with that Miho Ura, and the
fact that I still don't know what to do in the future really bugs me
now. And there's schoolwork, too. It's a lot harder this year."
****zuka nodded.
"About that girl, I had a word with Karen about it, and we think that
you should stand up to her. Karen really wanted to punch her out, but I
told her that you had to take care of this yourself." she explained.
"Karen wanted to...?"
I looked over at Karen, who looked away in embarrassment.
"****zuka, you weren't supposed to tell her!"
"Bah, she's old enough now."
Are they treating me like a child?
"I think they're right, Ayako-chan. You should show that girl what's
in store when you try to pick a fight with a Suzumiya!" Aoi said to me
with a grin. "Just show her that her little attacks and pranks don't
have any effect on you, without going as low as she is."
I nodded at that wise advice.
"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm going to do. I'll try, at least."
"And now let's eat before it gets cold!" Karen suggested, obviously
wanting us to devour her hamburgers.
* * *
We kept on chatting a little more happily as we ate Karen's home
cooking. The cake was also awesome, with lots of strawberries and
custard in it.
"And now, it's present time!"
"Heh...?" I looked a little surprised, I didn't expect them to buy me
presents. Not like this. We usually celebrate birthdays at a karaoke
box.
"Yep!"
Aoi got up and went to a bag I hadn't really noticed in the corner of
my room. I guess they'd put it down there when they arrived, and I
didn't notice because of how sudden it all was.
"Sooo, we got also in touch with Miyuki-nee..."
"Heh!?"
Aoi produced two packages from the bag. Both were relatively small,
and as I touched them, one of them definitely had the feel of a book.
Present number 1: Spotted.
"Can I open it now?" I asked them
"Sure."
"That one is from us," ****zuka said with a little grin.
Then who was behind the other package? I opened the one in my hands,
and discovered a book inside, as I'd suspected. It looked like a very
colorful light novel I never really noticed before in bookstores.
"'The Melancholy of Haruhi Kawasumi?'" I looked up.
"Yeah, it was really popular last year, which makes me wonder why you
never tried it," ****zuka said.
The picture on the cover was of a very energetic schoolgirl.
"I'll read and keep it with care, thank you girls...!" I went to them
for another hug, one at a time. They remembered my birthday, planned a
party without me noticing to cheer me up...any present would have been
great on top of all that.
"And the other one is from your family," Karen said with a little smile.
I picked it up carefully. It wasn't too heavy. It was quite small,
which intrigued me. I carefully opened it, and then a gasp came to my
lips as the box under it started appearing.
An MP3 player.
Oh my god.
...
"YES!"
I was so overjoyed, that it was hard to believe I'd just been cying a
few minutes ago.
"I'll be able to listen to my music anywhere! Sweet!"
The girls giggled a little.
"Don't forget to go thank your big sister and parents downstairs," Aoi
reminded me.
"Y...Yeah of course! You can't believe how much I wanted this! I'll
be able to listen to music while I read stuff anywhere. I need to load
it with my favorite songs now, and..."
I found a small piece of paper inside, wrapped around the player's box
with a string, unfolded it and started reading it aloud.
"'If I ever catch you listening to this while walking on the streets,
I'll kill you and confiscate this immediately.--Your dear sister Miyuki!'"
I frowned.
"Ha ha, come on, Ayako-chan, they probably thought you earned it by
passing your exams in February, don't you think?" Aoi was trying to
reassure me.
There was also a small drawing of my sister's head on the note near the
signature, frowning at me as though she was right in front of me now.
It made me giggle a little, though, and I held it close to my chest.
I'll go thank them later, yes...
"And now, since this is supposed to be a pajama party, let's get into
our nightwear!" ****zuka giggled, going first by undressing.
"Alright!" I said, cheerfully while doing the same.
Thank you, life. Even if you gave me a bad eyesight at birth, you gave
me such precious friends as well. I will do my best to keep them at my
side.
* * *
To be continued.
Next time...!
****zuka: "Is Ayako going to be all right?"
Karen: "Alone in the dark?"
****zuka: "This isn't a horror story! Or maybe it is? A high-school
girl, alone at home...!"
Karen: "It's a shame both of us are gonna be away on that weekend. I
don't want Ayako to be all lonely!"
****zuka: "She's seventeen now, she's a big girl!"
Karen: "She's smaller than me, y'know."
****zuka: "Next time in Blind Spot, chapter 18..."
Karen: "Chigau! Six!"
****zuka: "'Someday Under the Sun.'"
Karen: "Fortunately, she won't need to go fetch a heater."
Author's notes:
A kotatsu is a low table with a heater on the underside you often see in
manga and anime. Yes, that one with the big blanket. The retooler used
one in Japan, and yes, they're really comfy on cold days.
Tsundere is a japanese word to define a character who's quite aggressive
at first, but gradually gets mellower as time p*****, or certain events
happen. Typical tsundere characters would be Naru Narusegawa or Motoko
from Love Hina, Akane from Ranma 1/2, and so on.
Also, in case you're wondering, "mou" is like a whine in japanese. You
can translate it to "Jeez" easily.
Please don't sue me for Ayako's story idea, I beg you. :P
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